Life is full of seminal moments that most of us miss.
I’ve had my fair share of them.
One of the positives of getting older is that you get better at seeing those moments for the sneaky lessons that they are.
Those lessons may come in the form of talking to other people or reading a good book. They might come from journaling or a walk in the woods.
Most of mine came while I was on a long run. At least they used to. My knees started having their own “seminal” moments, as I passed 50-years of age, so I have to find those moments in lifting or writing these days.
One of my more recent seminal moments was reading The Pathless Path by Paul Millerd. I know I mention it a lot. But it’s been so impactful that I feel the need to keep sharing it.
It’s not that the book included concepts that I never thought about. Like a lot of things in life, it's more the reminders that the book provided.
About ten years ago I went on a life design journey, especially professionally. I walked away from a great career and took a chance on another path. That decision was a seminal moment in my professional life, and one that was very impactful for my personal and family lives as well.
It’s a story that resonates
I recently shared how I was going through a similar change.
I shared my story because I was hoping it would resonate with other professionals who felt like they are on the default path, as Paul calls it.
Boy did it resonate.
Four thousand readers and a lot of personal messages from people who read the post.
I’m super thankful for those of you that reached out.
“So proud of your courage and determination to be your best you.”
“...I have got to live simple...I dealt with it for years and just did what feels right.”
“I’ve felt myself feeling many of the things you referenced. I have a job but it’s not fulfilling and I’m trying to figure out what to do.”
“...the pathless path is really ringing in my ears! I’m entering a new chapter about really being intentional about what is and what is not truly important.”
This morning I was reflecting on the response and I got to wondering - why is it so hard for people to admit there is a flaw in their life?
More importantly, why is it even harder for people to do something about that flaw? To take corrective action?
Are you one of the default dead?
In the startup world, “zombies” are startups that are “default dead,” meaning, if they don’t make some changes they will fail.
That term doesn’t just have meaning for startups. It translates into our lives as well.
The best I can tell, it’s like we are all “default dead,” simply going through the motions every day, unable, or unwilling, to recognize that some changes need to be made. Because, otherwise, you may not be dead, but you certainly aren’t truly alive either.
The cost of comfort and fear
I have two reasons I think this happens - comfort and fear.
We are just comfortable enough that we aren’t willing to change course. The grass isn’t always greener, but sometimes it's just as green.
More than being comfortable, we are afraid.
We are afraid to admit our truth(s). We are afraid that we might make the wrong decision. We are afraid of what people will think of us.
I’m not pointing any fingers. I’ve been one of the default dead, for decades.
Creating seminal moments to become default alive
Occasionally a seminal moment will snap me out of a default path. Sometimes they just show up fortuitously and sometimes I create the moments myself.
For example, moving to Japan was an intentional decision. Although that experience didn’t turn out how I had hoped, it was a seminal moment in my life. I learned how great we have it in our country, the United States, and that being near my family was important to me. Before that, I had neglected how important family was.
If you are feeling “default dead,” you don’t need to wait around for a seminal moment to wake you up. Like I did with my move to Japan, you can create them.
The Japanese understand this concept well. They have a concept called “misogi.”
A Misogi challenge is an annual personal quest to undertake one extremely difficult task that pushes you far beyond your comfort zone, with the goal of achieving significant personal growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The challenge should be a true test, with roughly a 50/50 chance of failure, often involving extreme physical or mental endurance like cold plunges, long fasts, or ultra-endurance events, to redefine your limits and transform your mindset for the year.
My first marathon was a misogi challenge. I had run half marathons before, but not 26.2 miles. It was every bit outside of my comfort zone. But, the beauty is, I loved it and would love to run another one.
Seminal moments can be small
Running a full marathon may not be your thing. It could be that running in general is so far out of your comfort zone that simply running a mile is enough to spark a change.
That’s the key to engineering seminal moments to become default alive.
They don’t have to be gigantic undertakings.
In fact, I recommend you start with small changes.
If your goal is to be more intentional, start by saying no to something you’d normally agree to do.
Maybe you got invited to a night out and your goal is to reduce your alcohol intake. Just say no.
Have a friend that is toxic? Say no to their next invitation to lunch.
Got a new business prospect that sounds like a challenge to work with? Turn down the opportunity. This one I do all the time in my side business. If I meet with a prospect and they sound like they will be a lot to manage, then I simply tell them they are not a fit for my business. Notice that I didn’t say I wasn’t a fit for them.
Is now your seminal moment?
Maybe this post is your seminal moment. Maybe, just maybe it's enough to get you to take some action, finally.
Maybe you’ve had your own seminal moment recently. If so, I’d love to hear more about it. Leave a note in the comments.
Here’s to learning how to become “default alive.”
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