Hi, folks 👋.
Here are the book notes from reading The Pathless Path. I shared some of this in a recent article, but I want to share ALL of my notes because this book has become my favorite of all time.
Please take a moment to scroll through my highlights from the book, and if you choose to read the book yourself, which I recommend, you can find it on Amazon (not an affiliate link).
🔍 The Book in 3 Sentences
- We are all following the "default path" that society has laid out for us, especially as it relates to careers.
- Finding our "real work" requires that we follow the "pathless path," which is full of uncertainty.
- That uncertainty is worth it because the pathless path is full of a life doing the work we were meant to do and that brings us joy.
💭 Impressions
Why I choose this book
I've gone through multiple career and life evolutions and I feel like I'm currently in one where I'm re-evaluating what is important to me and what isn't.
This book was mentioned by a few of the creators I follow, like Ali Abdaal and Justin Welsh, at the perfect time for me.
I'm so glad I read it.
👨🎓 What the book taught me
💡 How my life / behavior / thoughts / ideas have changed as a result of reading the book.
- We are all living on the "default path" doing things in our careers and lives because we think that is how the game should be played. But, in the end, if you play stupid games you win stupid prizes. Its no shock that much of the world feels like they aren't living their authentic life. Because we are caught up in chasing things that we aren't connected to, including careers.
🎙️ My Top 3 Quotes
- "People are starting to feel the disconnect between what we’ve been told about how the world works and what they experience. You work hard, but get laid off anyway. You have the perfect life on paper, but no time to enjoy it. You retire with millions in the bank, but no idea what to do with your time."
- "We are convinced that the only way forward is the path we’ve been on or what we’ve seen people like us do. This is a silent conspiracy that constrains the possibilities of our lives."
- "Focus on coming alive over getting ahead."
📒 Summary + Notes
It’s a state familiar to many. Study hard, get good grades, get a good job. Then put your head down and keep going, indefinitely. This is what I call the “default path.” (Location 109)
I had been on a path that wasn’t mine, and to find a new way forward, I would need to step into the unknown. (Location 125)
It was the idea of a “pathless path,” something I found in David Whyte’s book The Three Marriages. (Location 127)
The pathless path is an alternative to the default path. It is an embrace of uncertainty and discomfort. It’s a call to adventure in a world that tells us to conform. For me, it’s also a gentle reminder to laugh when things feel out of control and trusting that an uncertain future is not a problem to be solved. (Location 133)
People are starting to feel the disconnect between what we’ve been told about how the world works and what they experience. You work hard, but get laid off anyway. You have the perfect life on paper, but no time to enjoy it. You retire with millions in the bank, but no idea what to do with your time. (Location 137)
I was able to shift away from a life built on getting ahead and toward one focused on coming alive. (Location 140)
most people, including myself, have a deep desire to work on things that matter to them and bring forth what is inside them. It is only when we cling to the logic of the default path that we fail to see the possibilities for making that happen. (Location 144)
I had been following a formula for life that was supposed to guarantee happiness. It didn’t. Confusion kept me on a path that wasn’t mine for more than ten years. Along the way, I learned how to play the game of success and achievement, but never paused to find out what I really wanted. (Location 146)
By default path, I mean a series of decisions and accomplishments needed to be seen as a successful adult. (Location 151)
Most of these moments occur before the age of 35: graduating from school, getting a job, falling in love, and getting married. (Location 156)
We are convinced that the only way forward is the path we’ve been on or what we’ve seen people like us do. This is a silent conspiracy that constrains the possibilities of our lives. (Location 179)
With every new job, I convinced myself I was thriving. But what I was really doing was trying to escape feeling stuck. (Location 184)
I was too afraid to have a deeper conversation with myself. The kind that might pull me toward a different kind of life. (Location 185)
The pathless path has helped me see that quitting my job was never about escaping work or living an easier life, it was about using the gifts I received from my parents to benefit others. (Location 212)
But these people became my friends and I started to want what they wanted. (Location 241)
With so many options it can be tempting to pick a path that offers certainty rather than do the harder work of figuring out what we really want. (Location 279)
This is the trap of prestigious career paths. Instead of thinking about what you want to do with your life, you default to the options most admired by your peers. (Location 364)
The philosopher Andrew Taggart believes that crisis moments lead to “existential openings” that force us to grapple with the deepest questions about life.11 He argues there are two typical ways this happens. One is the “way of loss,” when things that matter are taken from us, such as loved ones, our health, or a job. The other path is the “way of wonderment,” when we are faced with moments of undeniable awe and inspiration. (Location 373)
Professors Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun have suggested that many people who face crises often experience “post-traumatic growth” and that this manifests as an “appreciation for life in general, more meaningful interpersonal relationships, an increased sense of personal strength, changed priorities, and a richer existential and spiritual life.”12 (Location 491)
The paths that enabled people to thrive were the result of unique economic and historical circumstances, and as I entered the workforce, that reality no longer existed. (Location 603)
We entered adulthood thinking we could copy-and-paste what our parents had done, but it was more complicated than that. Factors that support meaningful lives, like economic growth across all sectors, a young population, two-parent households, generous pensions, and company loyalty, were anomalies of the past, as O’Shaughnessy points out. (Location 609)
“How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?” (Location 905)
For me, I was finding that the act of creation was the reward itself. (Location 1098)
Our tendency to glorify and simplify stories of people quitting their jobs convinces far too many people that this move is only possible for uniquely courageous people. (Location 1126)
For most people, life is not based on all‑or‑nothing leaps of faith. That’s a lie we tell ourselves so that we can remain comfortable in our current state. We simplify life transitions down to single moments because the real stories are more complex, harder to tell and attract less attention. (Location 1158)
In other words, given sufficient coping strategies, people will be willing to tolerate consistent levels of misery for long stretches of time. (Location 1171)
One challenge to embracing possibility is knowing when to override what psychology professors Tom Gilovich and Shai Davidai call our “‘ought to’ self.” This is the voice that helps us follow through on commitments but can also keep us from making changes in our lives. (Location 1192)
Callard defines aspiration as the slow process of “trying on the values that we hope one day to possess.”7 This is in contrast to an ambitious journey, where we already know what we value. (Location 1214)
“we must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”4 (Location 1387)
On the pathless path, retirement is neither a destination nor a financial calculation, but a continuation of a life well-lived. This shifts attention from focusing on saving for the future to understanding how you want to live in the present. (Location 1457)
A fixed point is a nonnegotiable goal that you plan to achieve, no matter what. (Location 1490)
The problem with these default fixed points is that they are culturally derived rather than a product of our unique motivations and desires. (Location 1495)
When I became self-employed, I was disoriented because the people paying me for the projects didn’t care when and how much I worked. They just wanted their problems solved. It was up to me to figure out how to spend my time. (Location 1560)
Having faith is admitting that you don’t have all the answers for what comes next. (Location 1587)
Tara Brach calls “radical acceptance,” which she says “is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.” (Location 1588)
the longer we spend on a path that isn’t ours, the longer it takes to move toward a path that is. (Location 1595)
the right response is not to restructure my life to make these worries disappear. It’s to develop a capacity to sit with those anxieties, focus on what I can control, and open myself up to the world. (Location 1598)
This is what Harvard professor Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar calls the arrival fallacy, the idea that when we reach a certain milestone we will reach a state of lasting happiness.5 (Location 1649)
“Play long‑term games with long-term people.” (Location 1759)
As Thoreau once wrote at Walden Pond, “Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations.”24 (Location 1827)
Enough is knowing that no amount in my bank account will ever satisfy my deepest fears. It’s knowing that I have enough friends that would gladly open their door and share a meal if I was ever in need. It’s the feeling that I’ve been able to spend my time over an extended stretch of time working on projects that are meaningful to me, helping people with a spirit of generosity, and having enough space and time in my life to stay energized to keep doing this over the long‑term. Enough is seeing a clear opportunity that will increase my earnings in the short term, but knowing that saying no will open me up to things that might be even more valuable in ways that are hard to understand. Enough is knowing that the clothes, fancy meal, or latest gadget will not make me happier, but also that buying such things won’t mean I’m going to end up broke. Enough is having meaningful conversations with people that inspire me, people that I love, or people that support me. (Location 1864)
On the pathless path, knowing you have enough is what gives you the freedom to say no to clear financial opportunities and say yes to something that might bring you alive and might even pay off much more over the long term. (Location 1871)
What I’ve discovered in conversations is that no matter how much money people have, they will go to enormous lengths to avoid any discomfort related to their financial situation. (Location 1893)
Many stumble upon the work they enjoy doing by saying no to obvious opportunities. (Location 2015)
John reflected, “As soon as I let go of this notion of huge success, that’s when success started coming to me.” (Location 2016)
On the pathless path, the goal is not to find a job, make money, build a business, or achieve any other metric. It’s to actively and consciously search for the work that you want to keep doing. This is one of the most important secrets of the pathless path. (Location 2018)
With this approach, it doesn’t make sense to chase any financial opportunity if you can’t be sure that you will like the work. What does make sense is experimenting with different kinds of work, and once you find something worth doing, working backward to build a life around being able to keep doing it. (Location 2021)
Finding work you want to keep doing, says author Stephen Cope, is “the great work of your life.” (Location 2031)
“Humans don’t mind hardship, in fact, they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary.” (Location 2103)
On the pathless path, you simply do the work first and then decide if you want to continue. (Location 2164)
Once you figure out who you intend to serve, you can go all-in and focus on what it takes to become great. (Location 2195)
Instead of thinking about what I want to do and how I want to live, I start with what I don’t want to be doing and what failure looks like. (Location 2323)
Coming alive over getting ahead. (Location 2612)
This is what the pathless path is all about. It’s having the courage to walk away from an identity that seems to make sense in the context of the default path in order to aspire toward things you don’t understand. It’s to experiment in new ways, to remix your own path, to develop your own personal definition of freedom, and to dare to have faith that it will be okay, no matter how much skepticism, insecurity, or fear you face. (Location 2663)
First, question the default. (Location 2738)
Second, reflect. (Location 2741)
Third, figure out what you have to offer. (Location 2746)
Fourth, pause and disconnect. (Location 2750)
I believe that the minimum effective dose is at least a month away from work. (Location 2751)
Fifth, go make a friend. (Location 2755)
Sixth, go make something. (Location 2759)
Seventh, give generously. (Location 2764)
Eighth, experiment. (Location 2770)
Ninth, commit. (Location 2773)
Finally, be patient. (Location 2777)
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